and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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