i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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