I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
