3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
my poor anus
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
