For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
