I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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