I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
