he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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