DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
