Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
