dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
