she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
