dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
