Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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