..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So apparently I’m into choking now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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