Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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