did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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