Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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