no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
