My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
