I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
