How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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