He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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