Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
