if you like me you must not know who I am
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
