Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
