I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
