Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
