i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
