the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
