Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
