He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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