ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
even my farts smell like vagina
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
