just tell him i said nine months
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
