Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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