I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
