eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
