he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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