Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
