I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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