im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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