The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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