I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
