Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
