He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
