you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
