If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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