I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am one with the molecules
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
