walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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