I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
