Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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